To Love and Be Loved

By Sam Keen

Book Overview

To Love and Be Loved is a spirited challenge to a culture obsessed with romance and intimacy but dangerously ignorant of the full range of human love. Like a fresh wind, Sam Keen sweeps away tired self-help nostrums and reams of "bad advice from Dr. Lonelyhearts" to reveal a stunningly new map of love in all its forms.

Love is not something we "fall" into, claims Keen, but a complex art combining many skills and talents that take a lifetime to learn fully. At the center of his book are sixteen distinct "elements of love" ranging from attention--a precious gift we can bestow on co-worker, friend, child, and spouse alike--to more exclusive gifts like desire and sexuality. Combining stories, poems and quotes with insights from modern psychology and spiritual tradition, Keen brilliantly explores the elements of memory and solitude in love, the importance of both enjoyment and commitment, and how we can cultivate the essential qualities of empathy and compassion. Each piece ends with suggestions for strengthening our daily practice of the element, so that we constantly enlarge our ability to love in all our relationships.

The final section of the book is a soaring meditation on the claim that "those who love know God," an invitation to experience our place in the universe through the eyes of love.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0553375288
• ISBN13: 9780553375282
• Release Date: May 1999
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.46 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.0" x 7.5"

Customer Reviews

Love is . . .

I have been a fan of Sam Keen since I read his book "Fire in the Belly" a few years back. I have not read any of Keen's other books until this book captured my interest in the bookstore.Keen makes the argument that love is often misunderstood by those who claim to be in the know. Keen argues that love is not the same in all situations. Their are different types of love in different types of situations. Keen uses stories from his own life and the lives of others to demonstrate his thesis. The is the love one feels for their mate, their children, their friend, and their supreme being.Keen's explanation of marriage is what stocks out most about this book. Keen dispells the myth of soul mates. A couple does not perefectly melt into each other but is able conform to each other and understand each other's needs. We all probably don't have perfect mates, but a number of mates could complement us well. Many readers will be disappointed to find that this book is not really related to sex. Although sex is part of love, love is what makes life worth living. Sex without love lacks substance.

Life's lessons on love in plain english

I liked Sam Keen's "A Passionate Life" very much, considering it to be the best summary by one author on what we might hope for if we choose to live life more fully. This book, 10 years later, is also very rich. Sam has a wonderful way of opening himself up and sharing both his loves and his losses with the reader. This man has clearly done his work and he admits he is still learning.I normally won't read any book that gives me a numbered list of things I'm supposed to remember or incorporate into my life. Sam has a list of 16 qualities of love (if I recall correctly) and I stayed with him through them all. The simplicity of his approach and power of his writing make it work, e.g. the first quality of love Sam describes is Attention. And guess what? I realize on reflection how little attention I give to others in my life, and how little I get back. That is a good starting place for improving my capacity as a loving person and it is easy to remember. So typical of Sam's clarity and authenticity.I agree with the earlier review that this book should be read in bits. It took me several months (and it is a small book). The richness and the depth of this book required that I frequently stop and reflect. Highly recommended.

A Book to Rejuvenate your Soul

If you're looking for a kind book to refresh your spirits, then this is it. The tone of the book is warmth, patience, and gentle guidance. The first part of the book covers the art of being a great lover. Part II, which I found most useful, identifies the elements of love. These are best explored one chapter at a time, with plenty of time to reflect on his writings.