Slaying the Mermaid: Women and the Culture of Sacrifice

By Stephanie Golden

Book Overview

Slaying the Mermaidaddresses the great numbers of women, of all ages, who find themselves constantly disregarding their own well-being to put the needs of others first--even against their will and contrary to their principles--because they cannot face the guilt they would feel if they didn't. ???????? Mothers subordinate their smallest needs to their children's; daughters assume the burden of caring for elderly parents; wives sacrifice their careers for their husband's; in the office, women put in extra effort for their coworkers or the boss without making demands for themselves. ???????? Despite the great changes over the past thirty years in our ideas about women's role in society and their potential for achievement, many continue to sabotage their own interests, stunt their emotional and intellectual growth, and deny themselves the full richness of life due to excessive self-sacrifice. ???????? Drawing on conversations with experts and a diverse array of women, Stephanie Golden examines the dichotomy between selfhood and sacrifice. Using the image of Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid, the ultimate ideal of the self-sacrificing woman who gave up her voice and her life for an unrequited love, Golden offers a new paradigm for women: in order to run with the wolves, you must first slay the mermaid. ???????? Golden helps women become conscious of self-defeating behavior that they may have been blind to or simply ignored. This book will help them reclaim their energy, creativity, and identity, while rediscovering the original, empowering meaning of sacrifice as an expansive and self-fulfilling act.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0517708124
• ISBN13: 9780517708125
• Release Date: June 1998
• Publisher: Harmony
• Length: 323 Pages
• Weight: 1.60 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.3" x 6.5" x 9.6"

Customer Reviews

How Not To Be One of the "Women Who Love Too Much"

I assigned Slaying the Mermaid to my college seminar on mermaids and feminism. At first the students were not happy -- "Why must Ariel die?" they wondered. But the view that women need mutual rather than self-sacrificing relationships to be healthy, became convincing to them. Reading the original fairy tale and watching the (altered) Disney movie provided an informative context for appreciating Stephanie Golden's interesting and helpful book. We also read the chapter about The Little Mermaid in the edited book "From Mouse to Mermaid" and I recommend that as well. The current "hot" movement in popular psychology -- 'Positive Psychology' -- is not sensitive to issues of gender and culture, so Golden's book is a worthy contribution.

Rethinking the value of self-sacrifice

A review from the author of DREAMING YOUR REAL SELF: A PERSONAL APPROACH TO DREAM INTERPRETATION; WHO'S CRAZY, ANYWAY?; and DREAM BACK YOUR LIFE.Stephanie Golden examines how women are expected to sacrifice themselves to be feminine and acceptable to others and in the process lose their sense of themselves as they fall into the victim trap. With interesting and moving stories of very different women, she distinguishes between mindless self-sacrifice that diminishes us and a conscious choice to offer our gifts and talents in a way that expands us all. Well-written and intriguing right down to the notes at the end. I recommend it highly.

Thoughtful discussion of a complex problem

I came across this book while looking for something else, and couldn't put it down. As a woman and a former Catholic, I got a double dose of the self-sacrificing ideal. Although I later rejected the notion of female subservience, I felt that the "masculine" ideal of individualism was equally unsatisfactory: in order to achieve self-realization, did one have to reject the positive aspects of self-sacrifice, such as compassion and concern for the good of the community (or humanity as a whole)?Golden's discussion is the first I've seen that looks at this very complex issue in depth, both intellectually and emotionally, and comes to a balanced conclusion. Rather than urging women to reject self-sacrifice outright, she carefully considers the origins of the ideal and its pluses and minuses, and helps readers to judge for themselves whether self-sacrifice in a particular situation will enrich or deplete their lives. She doesn't give easy answers, but coping with a disabled parent, or trying to assist a mentally ill person to get help, aren't easy problems. This is a truly outstanding book, and I recommend it highly.

Provocative, thoughtful and absorbing

I came across this book by accident, and only bought it because I'm writing about women and caregiving and thought this might be salient. Well, was it ever! Although she begins with true stories from various interviewees that are a bit tedious, Golden then takes off on an historical and philosophical survey that is utterly compelling. There are many familiar notions here, but I've never seen them so comprehensively and perceptively addressed. I'm recommending this to all my friends, because I want to talk about it!