The reason why building self-esteem has a public dimension, is because the things that you do, as far as your passions go, ultimately have an impact on the lives of others. When you get good at something, it will ultimately affect other people. This is a good thing. You should not keep it private because when it's private, there is really no external validation. It's just your own personal, little, private thing, and it's really not going to do you much good in terms of your self-confidence. Why? You're taking out the external validation part of the upward spiral.
You're just saying to yourself: "This is good. I'm happy with this". Well, the moment you step out into the public square, and people compare you to other people with similar passions, chances are quite good that you might not measure up. All these good feelings you have built will fall like a house of cards. So, you have to let in external validations and metric systems. You have to compare yourself to others with the same passion. In other words, your accomplishments must be based on objective standards. If you're really good, others will be positively impacted. Your positive impact on others is a crucial component of building self-esteem.
The external validation process is just a feedback mechanism. It just tells you that if your passion, seemingly subjective as it is, can actually be objectively judged to be good. That's when you know you actually have a real accomplishment. Otherwise, you're just playing games with yourself; otherwise, this is just all subjective.
Again, I can't repeat this enough, your positive impact on others is a crucial component for building self-esteem. You get a feedback mechanism when you see that other people are positively impacted by this. If you love to sing, they love hearing you sing. Their day is much better because they heard your voice. If you like to provide a service like making pizza, their day is better because they have a yummy pizza. They love pizza, and you give them a pizza that tastes so good to them. You see how this works?
Building self-esteem can't be a self-absorbed and a totally self-enclosed process. It's not a closed loop. There is always an external validation aspect to it. This is nothing to be afraid of; this is nothing to run away from. In fact, you should accept it and embrace it because it leads to a feedback mechanism that pushes you to try harder and harder, to give your very best. Put simply, real self-esteem has an objective impact. It isn't just about self-programming. It isn't just about you entertaining your subjective reality. It is real precisely because others are impacted positively. The keyword here is "positively", that's how you know you've accomplished something.
In this book you will find all the methods to increase your self-awareness and motivational affirmation to change the way you see yourself.and much more...
Related Subjects
Psychology