I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both

By Mariah Stovall

Book Overview

Susan Choi's Trust Exercise meets Nick Hornby's High Fidelity in a Black woman's coming-of-age story, chronicling a life-changing friendship, the interplay between music fandom and identity, and the slipperiness of sanity

Set in the suburbs of Los Angeles and New York City, I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both is an immersive journey into the life and mind of Khaki Oliver, who's perennially trying to disappear into something: a codependent friendship, an ill-advised boyfriend, the punk scene, or simply, the ether. These days it's a meaningless job and a comfortingly empty apartment. Then, after a decade of estrangement, she receives a letter from her former best friend. Fiona's throwing a party for her newly adopted daughter and wants Khaki to join the celebration.

Khaki is equal parts terrified and tempted to reconnect. Their platonic love was confusing, all-consuming, and encouraged their worst impulses. While stalling her RSVP, Khaki starts crafting the perfect mixtape--revisiting memories of formative shows, failed romances, and the ups and downs of desire and denial--while weighing the risks and rewards of saying yes to Fiona again.

One song at a time, from 1980s hardcore to 2010s emo, the shared and separate contours of each woman's mind come into focus. Will listening to the same old songs on repeat doom Khaki to a lonely life of arrested development? Or will hindsight help her regain her sense of self and pave a healthy path for the future, with or without Fiona?

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1593767609
• ISBN13: 9781593767600
• Release Date: February 2024
• Publisher: Soft Skull
• Length: 336 Pages
• Weight: 1.10 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.3" x 5.8" x 8.3"