How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)

By Chuck Sambuchino

Book Overview

Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. There's a new threat in town--and it's only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it's here. Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system--Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply--for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and--in the event that a secured perimeter is breached--confronting and combating the attackers at close range.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 158008463X
• ISBN13: 9781580084635
• Release Date: September 2010
• Publisher: Ten Speed Press
• Length: 112 Pages
• Weight: 0.71 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.6" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Funny book!

Hilarious book about garden gnomes. I wasn't afraid of them before, but I'm rethinking that stance now. Definitely worth checking out.

Hilarious Book

This book is super funny. I found myself often laughing out loud, and then also a little paranoid of the possible gnome warriors that could be plotting to kill me in my own house! (JK) The pictures are beautiful and the writing is serious and funny at the same time.

There's no place like Gnome

The poor gnomes, they get no respect in Dungeons & Dragons, literature or from the Nostalgia Critic. And now we learn why, yes they are preparing to attack. They have invaded gardens world wide, distributed on multiple websites and now control travel companies. Began the lawn wars have! Overall, this is a good but silly book and a great coffee table book or a good gift to those "Gnomeowners" who don't know better.

Warning! Not for the Gnome-O-Phobic!!

Warning: If you are already Gnome-o-phobic, do not read this book! It will only increase your phobia and may lead to full blown hysteria. I can't remember when I've laughed this much reading a book. I have a family member (you know who you are) who is deathly afraid of Gnomes. We once visited a certain city that had a little Gnome exhibit in a mountain area. He RAN by it and never even glanced at the Gnomes. (I'm hoping if I capitalize their names, they'll take it as an attempt at co-existing peacefully). I only own one garden Gnome, and he has several adoring Fairies as friends...But now I'm going to keep a much closer eye on him... If you like fun, light-hearted reads, then you'll enjoy this cute, entertaining little Gnome-tome. I can't wait to share it with my family member and tell him he was right to be afraid...very afraid. Tee-Hee!

More fun than the pending zombie apocalypse

I like this book because it isn't nearly as boring as the zombie survival guides I've seen. The zombie books try to look like survivalist manuals and they end up looking too serious and being too long to read. This is a short quick book, and it doesn't try for seriousness at all which makes it a lot more fun to read. Plus, the gnome jokes are a welcome change from the zombie jokes.