How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To

By Committee on Elementary-Particle PhysicsNational Research CouncilBoard on Physics and Astronomy, et al.

"If you are struggling with issues of betrayal--or the challenge of whether and how to forgive--here is the most helpful and surprising book you will ever find on the subject."--Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. This award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves--without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness.

Until now, we've been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a gifted clinical psychologist and award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives--without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness--one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party.

Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these:

How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead?When is forgiveness cheap?Can I heal myself - without forgiving?How can the offender earn forgiveness?What makes for a good apology?How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060009314
• ISBN13: 9780060009311
• Release Date: February 2005
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
• Length: 254 Pages
• Weight: 0.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.4" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

This book has changed the way I do my job

The Breakout Principle has completely revolutionized the way I work...I don't stay in the office for 12 hours a day before a big presentation...I prepare carefullly and thoroughly and THEN I GO HOME AND RELAX. Always, and I mean always, my presentations are clearer, have more energy, are more relaxed and creative. All that time away from your work, time I always thought of as play or even goofing off, happen to be incredibly...

deserves much more than 5 stars a must for achieving goals

Anyone who has ever tried to gain mastery in any field would notice that after a while of dedicated practice, you tend to plateau. After even more practice you make a burst, but then you'll eventually hit another plataeu. Once you learn the easy principles in this book, you'll learn how to consistently improve your mastery and supercharge your life in any area you choose without having to level off. You feel like you're...

NOW I UNDERSTAND

NOW I UNDERSTAND why I have bursts of creativity or achieve a "runner's high" (even though I'm just walking briskly) under certain conditions. Benson explains that it's the science--and explains it in a way that I can replicate (he would say "trigger") the Breakout experience at will.The various applications of the Breakout principle are organized by chapter, allowing the reader to think about each application type and to...

The Breakout Principle to maximize your creativity

THE BREAKOUT PRINCIPLE breaks through to a new understanding of creativity and productivity. I never realized that there was a biological basis for the generation of ideas and insights -and that this biology could actually be switched on at will. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to increase the odds of achieving peak performance at work or play.

Very Enlightening!

THE BREAKOUT PRINCIPLE teaches you a simple yet powerful concept (called the "Breakout Principle") to help improve your life on a long-term basis. The book is clearly written, making it easy for the reader to grasp the principle and learn to put together his or her own personal breakout strategy. I like how anyone - individuals or groups - can apply this concept to his or her life. The authors give great examples of how...