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This book is proving to be qute beneficial in helping our son's interaction with his two 11 and 15-year old sons during his divorce proceedings.
Excellent Work
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 20 years ago
Ann Milner's review (below) is just, well, strange. Dr. Hart does not blame absent fathers. Instead, his point is one of what he says is a critical factor in helping children through divorce: consistency. Whenever possible, maintaining relationships, friendships, etc, is a key in helping children through this traumatic time. Clearly, Ann missed the context. This is a hugely helpful book. I read it as part of a required text in a Master's counseling class. As a child of divorce (years ago), I wish this book had been around for my parents. It was healing, even for me, years later. Getting a divorce? Have children? This should be required reading.
hit home like a sock in the jaw
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 24 years ago
granted, not every syllable hit me-no book will do that. but i really wish i had this book-or that this was out-when i was a lot younger. having been through three divorces by the time i was 15 (my mom being the main person) i feel that it has royally affected me, to the point that in my adulthood i act some of these things out. every single topic here i've experienced-from depression to anxiety to self-esteem issues. my feelings were never considered as far as arguments being in front of me, my isolation in my room for days sometimes(i was a good boy because i was in my room always doing stuff, or outside playing-alone. yeah, sure, that's healthy), my sadness, and the topper: the attitude of 'never mind your feelings-what about mine?'-being used as the sanctuary from the storm. granted, it is better for kids to not see their parents in constant negativity and conflict, so in that sense okay. but most divorces are hostile and the child's feelings are never considered. and yes, we carry on what we see to our adulthood-we do have memories. i feel that the reason i choose the wrong person in relationships is that i choose what i'm used 2, and it's not the divorces themselves but the attitudes that i had to live with all my life-it's what you are used 2. i have plenty of memories i'd love to delete from the harddrive inside my skull. message to couples on the borderline of their relationship: check your egos at the door, consider how your behavior is affecting your kids and change it-now! -if necessary, and consider how your attitudes will affect your kids 4 the rest of their lives.
Extraordinary in helping both children and parents
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 25 years ago
I read this book as a child of divorce and it gave me incredible insights into what my parents went through in their divorce. It not only helped me understand all that happened when I was younger, but helped me understand a lot of what my parents went through.If you are a parent who is getting or has gotten a divorce this book is vital to the well being of your child(ren). Unless you have come from a broken home you have no idea how impacting your divorce is on your children, even if you think they are coping well. I was the good child in my family, my parents always thought I was dealing with everything so well but inside I was dying and decaying away. If you are an adult who's still going through the trauma of your parents divorce from when you were younger, then this book will help you as it helped me, to understand both your feelings and also what your parents went through.I am a huge fan of Arch Hart, he thinks like me and writes in a way that I can understand. One of the best books I've read on men is his book "The Sexual Man" which is incredible in describing how we're made.I finally found Arch's book "growing up divorced" which has been out of print and I look forward to reading that.
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